Job Comparison

For we are not bold to class or compare ourselves with some of those who commend themselves; but when they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding. 2 Corinthians 10:12

It happens, all the time. In fact a lot of our days are spent mentally ranking each other in the context of occupations. There's the "whose job is more important" angle, "who has the hardest job", or "who is working the best". They flit through our heads and some days they land and build nests.

I am so guilty myself of these comparisons. And to be honest some of the thought processes are not fully bad. It's good to be aware of which co-worker has changed more diapers during the day or dealt with a particularly nasty one, so that you can step in and carry your weight or provide a touch of relief.

But in my world where voiced opinion seems to fall on two totally different ends of the spectrum, from the idea that I am a glorified babysitter, to the comments that head into "I don't know how you do it - that job takes a special person."territory (Truth is, both of these are comments entrenched in a code of rank. This idea that watching children is a job fit only for young teens with little life or job experience, and the concept that my work is only suitable to certain personality types. ) I find myself often caught up in the chaos of trying to figure out where I fit in the grand scheme of things.

And I don't. I don't fit that is.

Slowly, as I am gaining understanding in watching people I am trying to move out of trying to fit. Out of trying to pull myself up over the heads of others by emphasizing my caring nature, or how hard my  job is on some days. I am slowly trying to leave the rank climbing and worrying about whether or not I am understood by others.

I am trying to find contentment in being a person, not a job.

It's true. There are jobs that we are suited for more than others. But it is also true that even the job with the best fit is still exactly that - a job. Teachers who view their work with students as a calling, still have to put up with the politics, and the unending pressures that continually pull "calling" back into "work". Missionaries, pastors, those who feel chosen for a ministry will, if they are honest, admit that the place they are in is still an uphill battle most of the time. A factory worker who has a simplistic repetitive job with a good paycheck will tell you in a heart beat about the difficulties of conquering boredom and mental fatigue.

Having children has helped. Because I have a High School student for the first time. Her life this last month has been full of talk about occupational paths and finding the skill seminars that fits "what direction she wants to take in life". And I am realizing swiftly that equating an occupational direction with "life" is just another lie that the world tells us.

While there is some fun in asking elementary students what they want to be when they grow up, there are the jobs that never get mentioned: garbage collector, factory line worker, yard service, grocery store clerk. And yet these positions are not less important than the firefighters, soldiers, and teachers of tomorrow. Yes, some occupations exact a higher price than others. And I believe we should honor that. But that price still has little to say about who we really are.

Our worth in front of God is priceless, each and every one of us. Unfortunately, I spend far less time contemplating that truth and what it means than I do worrying about my occupational future. And it needs to change. I don't need to worry so much about pleasing the boss, but about pleasing the one who made me. Sounds simple and preachy. But there is some truth behind all of the cliche. And it is a truth I need.

So today as I go to work my goal isn't to be the best special needs aide that I can be, but to please the creator and look around in awe at all the others he has created too, no matter their occupation in this life. To be able to see them as priceless as my own self.  It gives life an equality that feels right somehow. It imparts worth unequivocally. Even my students, many who will never function in society at a level where they are capable of fulfilling a job have this worth. And it is an amazing, mind blowing thing. Something that makes me smile as I head off to the daily grind instead of dreading it.

One last day of change

I struggle with change. Transitions come with anxiety.

And unfortunately I've passed some of that anxiety on. When I look at my oldest who for the past two days has been trying her best to hold back tears, whose voice pipes up occasionally "Mom I'm taking the dog for a walk." And I know. I know because it's the fifth walk today for the dog.

To be honest the unreasonable fears that she is grappling with - things like the idea that everyone will change over the summer into mean kids who will bully her, are seated right next to the undeniably normal fears like getting lost at a new building and not being able to get your locker open. And no, it hasn't helped that school construction has kept the building locked until the first day. No walk throughs, no way to settle some of the normal fears.

My youngest fears a year without her best friend in her class. My middle is already wondering who she will get as a team for future cities competition, since last year we had a disastrous crash and burn learning experience - both of us mother and daughter (I will never again work on a science project for my kids.)

And me, I am anxious about a new schedule. Care for our classroom has been cut, and that is always a concern, but I worry over safety and sanity with one less aide, one less set of eyes, one less mental check in a room that was demanding before the cuts. For the first time I am glad that my own hours have been reduced, because I don't know if I'd want more time under these circumstances.

Worries are hitting in waves around here.
And I know that after today 80% of them will be alleviated.
Just by simply surviving the day.

It is a human tendency to see those waves as much larger and more powerful than they really are. To forget who holds the oceans in his hands, and controls everything from national policy and the movement of armies to how many strands of grey hair I have covered up with dye. He knows the secret and unseen and the things so big they cannot be hidden.

I'll try to remember that as this morning inches painfully forward, slowly as I say goodbye to one child after another. Three different bus schedules this year. A long drawn out process of goodbye, and there is a small part of me that yearns for a simpler time when we got three backpacks ready to go at once and marched down the sidewalk together.

Now they have started to outgrow my presence at the corner bus stop. And that can bring down a whole new avalanche of worries: Am I preparing them enough? Am I hovering too close, or not close enough. Will they make it down the road, or will life chew them up and spit them out.

Sometimes I wonder if I could sum up motherhood with just one word, what that word would be.

Regret
Sacrifice
Joy
or today's word - Worry

There are a lot of verses on this this, quickly typed, snatched out of context with a search engine, but even with the lack of context there is a common theme: you don't need to worry kid, God has it covered.  He'll give you strength when you ask for it, focus when you come humbly. He'll help set up guards around your thoughts - if you let him. If you let him, he'll give you peace. Tell him your worries, he can help.

It's not like he didn't know about them, so it isn't like you can hide your fear of the waves. But you can focus on him.

No it isn't going to be easy. Peter proved that. The sheer number of verses addressing the topic of anxiety should point to the fact that this is going to be a struggle. And it is OK to struggle. Just know that when you're sinking in the waves that he is still there waiting and willing to pull you out.

So frail, axiety ridden self - you have a self directed sermonette today. Whatchya gonna do with it?



Maybe, because I'm in that place of nostalgia, I'll sing this song to myself today.

Besides, it's always a tension breaker to have a song in your head sung by a Frankenstein celery from Toledo. :)

Are you frightened?

No, not really.

Are you worried?

Not a bit!

I know whatever's gonna happen,

that God can handle it.