A week ago I started using an app on my phone, Couch Potato to Running 1 Mile.*
And I have been faithfully allowing this electronic voice to control 20 minutes of my life 3 x's a week.
Because I need it.
Because the stormtrooper armor is way too tight.
Because I don't want to have a heart attack on a hike with my kids.
Because I have a sedentary job behind a computer screen and I really do need it.
But I am really in bad shape. Worse than I have ever been. And I've never been really coordinated or remotely athletic to begin with so that limits a lot of things. So the couch potato to 1 mile trainer seemed like a very good way to go. It uses interval training and that appealed. Also while the first three workouts were tough, they were doable.
My first three workouts were 5 minutes of warm-up walking,
45 seconds of running,
2 minutes brisk walking,
45 seconds of running,
2 minutes of brisk walking,
45 seconds of running,
2 minutes of brisk walking,
45 seconds of running,
cool down walking
And the first day was hard, it really was.
The second day I initially thought was going to be easier, but it wasn't. Sore legs made the session painful, even after diligently stretching out.
The third day, it was still hard, but I was starting to like a little bit of the feeling afterwards, when my face returned from some awful shade of puce and I could breath like a normal person instead of wheezing and puffing like Howl's Moving Castle.
The fourth day - it rained.
And yeah. I know a lot of people who run in the rain. And I don't think I'd have minded it. But I couldn't figure out how to keep my electronic trainer safe. I briefly considered a zip-lock before giving up and saying that I WOULD make it up the next day.
So today I go out and the handsome electronic voice (can voices be handsome? I swear they must pick them out with that as a criteria) the voice tells me that today we are starting a new work out for the week. I expected this. I expected to upgrade the intensity. What I didn't expect was how much of an upgrade that would be. Todays workout was:
5 minute warm-up
90 seconds of running
90 seconds of brisk walking
90 seconds of running
90 seconds of brisk walking
90 seconds of running
90 seconds of brisk walking
90 seconds of running
cool down walking
Uh yeah. When I heard it I knew. I knew what was coming.
I have to say that I babied it today when I started. I tried to get further and faster on that warm up walk - it was still a brisk walk, but I pushed it where I wouldn't have pushed it that hard at that point before. Because I knew I wasn't going to do a full out run on those 90 seconds. I knew that I was going to drop down into a jog instead of a run. In hopes of making it out the other side of the workout alive. With my heart still beating and my lungs still breathing.
By the 3rd 90 second run, I was doing a jog so slow that my brisk walk would easily outdistance it. I was puffing and huffing badly enough to get concerned stares from dog walkers and moms watching toddlers at the park. My walking portion, when it finally came around resembled more of a drunk sailor on jelly legs lazy meandering than any form of a workout walk.
By the 4th 90 second run I was in physical pain. And worse was the mental anguish realizing that this half hobble was nothing even close to what I envisioned when I started. Breezing through the park with ease getting my heart-rate up and burning calories. Nope there was no graceful runner out there today. Nothing breezy. More like clanky, chugging wreck.
On the cool down walk I stumbled to the part of the sidewalk in the shade under my neighbors tree and then slowly meandered back and forth in the shade, even though that looked weird and this was my neighbor who has been known to call the police about "weird." I reasoned if a squad came, it would have AC, and that would be a legitimate reason to stop the workout - having to answer the police...
I am realizing that there is no way that in the next two sessions that I am going to get to where this is supposed to be. I am so glad that handsome-voice gave permission to repeat a week. Because if the intervals make another jump like this on week 3, I will need to figure out which is quicker. Putting 911 on speed-dial or actually dialing [9][1][1]. Because I will fall down in the park and die. And it won't be a pretty death.
I would give a lot right now for an app that went from 2 minute walking 45 seconds running up to say, 1 minute 45 seconds walking and 1 minute running. The object is slow and steady right? 'Cause the is couch potato is quickly loosing it's starch right now. Starch = resolve to see this through.
So time to count the good things about this.
- I need it - pure and simple
- Eventually, I will feel better after exercising (still waiting on this)
- I won't die on a hike with my kids
- It's probably a good thing the workout got offset by the rain, I can't imagine this app making Mondays more to look forward to by upping the routine that day. Now it's going to change up on Wednesday, and at least Wednesday doesn't have the Monday-weekend-gone-blues attached to it to. (That's all Monday needed - more reasons to dislike it!).
- Eventually, I will loose weight. I may even buy those exercise clothes then - make it look more official - then if I stumble through the park, people will understand the wheezing and staggering better because I will be dressed like someone exercising.
- Eventually the exercise will make me sleep better (still waiting on this).
- And of course, if I keep this up, by Halloween, the stormtrooper won't be the subject for donut jokes.
Not a lot of short-term encouragement in that list. We aren't going to get to the payoffs for a while yet. And we won't get there at all if I quit this. So here's to continuing the battle. If I was the peppy cheerleader type I'd say something like "Go self!" But I kind of have that wry Eeyore personality and "Go self!" is choking in the throat.
So we'll just have to dangle the mental image of a slimmer Stormtrooper out there as a carrot and keep it up. And aim to do it with just a smudge more glide and grace than the last time.
And maybe, just maybe we'll get to the point where I'll have enough breath to argue back at handsome-voice, because, well, if people are gonna stare we might as well give them some entertainment-value.
* Name of app changed for protection.
