When heroes fall.

We tell our children to build heroes. To have people in their lives to mentor them. To look to for guidance and growth. To observe. To respect. To emulate. We want this for our children. We want voices in their lives to echo our own values when they get to the age where they are growing away from us, into independent thinkers, young people who are starting to make choices on their own.

We want good examples for them. People who inspire. People to whom they can look up to. And there is something amazing in the pure innocence of the trust that our young people hand over to those mentors and heroes in their lives.

But when that trust is broken, it is a hard fall down. Because there are no pedestals taller than the ones constructed by the innocent.  

The ripples go wide, and the silt and muck turned up, clouds visibility for a while.

We’ve told our children to build heroes.

What do we tell them when their heroes fall?

1.     God loves the fallen. God loves the broken. He loves those who have toppled from their pedestals.  And he calls us to treat others as we want to be treated. That can be a huge challenge in some circumstances. This is an easy and glib statement. And reality, reality is not at all easy. And you cannot stop on this point. It has to be combined with the next.

2.     Consequences are real. An Olympian failing a drug test is disqualified. An NFL player breaking the rules is suspended. A brilliant teacher breaking the rules of conduct is fired. There is a backlash of public opinion surrounding a political figure after indiscretions come to light.

a.     Sometimes those consequences are far removed – not many of us run in social circles that include Olympians, Senators, or NFL players and so the consequences are also removed.

b.     But sometimes we are up to our necks in the consequences. Children cannot see their father because of a restraining order.  Relationships that were in place cannot be re-instated.  The failure of a hero sours participation in a sport or activity.

c.      Showing the love of God gets tricky, because sometimes the consequences make the ground after a heroes fall filled with rubble and pits. It’s not easy to know what to do.

3.     Don’t distil the chaos and complexity for children. It is there, recognize it. Recognize the push and pull of forgiveness and justice. Love and consequence.  Acknowledge that there is a messy world we live in and how we should act and react is not always clear.

4.     Give time and space for emotion. Losing heroes is a tough process. In time the pedestals will grow shorter, the trust will be given less completely. It’s a coming of age that is hard. Even for adults, who watch leaders falter it is hard. Give feelings their room, acknowledge them and allow them space. Anger is ok. Disappointment is ok.  Sorrow is ok. Grieve the fall of heroes. And grieving is a process that takes time.

5.     Pray. Pray for the fallen, pray for those caught in the ripples, pray for those who cannot yet see through the muck stirred up, and pray for those who can. Pray for wisdom to know what to do, what to say. And in so many cases, what not to say. Pray for yourself. Pray for your children. Pray for the heroes they have in their lives, both the ones now and the ones in the future, the shattered and the unbroken. Pray with your children as they grieve, as they move forward. I was reminded today that prayer comes so often from our emotions. Spend time sharing those emotions with your children. Spend time praying together.

6.     Given the age of your children and the depth of grief, take a look at the leaders in the Bible. They were shown in context as fully human, fully broken people with flaws and sins that gave way to consequences in their lives.  Sometimes we don’t tell our kids that Noah had issues with drinking, that Abraham had issues with honesty, that King David had issues with adultery (and murder). We only tell them the pretty parts of those stories. And you have to be cautious because some children don’t need the fall of one hero compounded with another right away. But in time and with age, our kids need to get a fuller picture of what the Bible presents. Because it gives us a totally unflattering, realistic picture of all humanity including the leaders, including the heroes. And in that blatant honesty it also presents a God who loved us in spite of it.  There is power in this picture, and release from human pedestals. It opens up whole new areas of discourse and thought.

What do we tell our children when heroes fall.

We tell them that heroes are not any different from the rest of us.

And that God loves us even though we are broken.